"How do I live?"

12:45am 11-14-11

Every night I close my eyes

&

I

shudder.

Thoughts of you flood my brain.

They bind my eyelids shut

to face the empty space inside

that you left when you said "Goodbye".

I'm fucking scared to fucking death.

You don't even speak to me anymore.

You left because you couldn't give me

everything--

& now I can't find the courage

to take my everything back,

much less give it to someone

else because you had it all.

You have every piece of me that

I was afraid to give,

& I don't know how to

get them back.

You were my first,

my best,

& my worst.

Never have I cried the way I did over you.

Never have I lied the way I did for you.

Never have I ever felt so betrayed.

"It's over, and we're friends :)"

Friends talk.

They care.

You don't.

You built up every dream I could imagine

between us,

You showed me the life I wanted to live

...with you.

Then you tore my dream masterpiece

down--

We were surrounded by the walls of

past, future, love & sex.

We were present.

intimate.

the everything you couldn't give,

& the everything I'll never get back.

Tell me how I'm supposed to forget.

Tell me how to breathe like our

lips never touched,

& that we never fell in love.

Tell me how I give my 100% to

someone else when I left it

in your bedroom?

I miss you.

& I probably don't even cross your mind.

Give me back, please.

-Samantha Weldon 12:58am