9-28-11 11:21am

I'm feeling blue

not like bluebirds or berries--

blue like THE blues.

like jazz,

brooding,

hurt,

& beautiful all at once.

I'm feeling expression--

getting my inner turmoil out on paper,

my disappointment,

my envy,

my green makes me blue.

Blue enough to sing my troubles away through

choked-back sobs,

my voice cracking as each wave hits

my heart--

each rip-tide pulling me out to sea.

I'm chained to this blue beach

but I'm restrained by myself only--

I hold the key,

but I stay just to see what will

happen to me.

I sing out to these waves,

my voice ebbs & flows like them

with the rhythm of my own

heartbeat,

which grows stronger & weaker

as the moon changes his face over

the months of my exposure.

Pulling me close & pushing me back

as he pleases.

The moon is my heart-break,

my hurt,

my blue.

He listens to my song,

& returns to hear me more often

than he leaves.

He calls me a beauty,

but he doesn't want me--

he's so far above me in his

orbital of the galaxy.

He wouldn't force me to leave.

But I am not blue because he can't love me,

I'm blue because of me.

I'm a catastrophe.

11:40AM Samantha Weldon

I'm a beautiful disaster who exposes myself

to everything that hurts me

in the hopes that I will happen upon

someone that will love me.

I'm a breathing,

walking,

art installation

with my eyes fixed upon the

constellations,

in hopes that I will find the

hope my heart can't see.

& I see blue.

Blue eyes coming down from their

blue skies

to rescue me from the blue

sea

that has been crashing over

my identity.

He is everything my moon couldn't be,

& everything my blue soul needs

to become the kind of blue

like sapphires,

precious,

rare,

& the kind of beauty I

was meant to be--

the walking travesty

that I call "me".

Samantha Weldon

11:51AM

"Please make this last"

11:57am 26-9-11

I've faced the fact that nobody will ever

make me feel the way you did.

Now I'm asking him to take me anywhere

but where I was with you.

A new place,

an escape from the love we shared

during our two-point-five weeks together.

"Secret love, my escape, take me far, far away"

He's wonderful.

His smile makes my stomach flip,

& I get lost in his eyes.

He makes it effortless to be comfortable.

I can be as crazy & stupid as

I want,

& he still says I am beautiful.

We are a memory I can't spend

too much time thinking about,

& I shouldn't.

Because I can see that you don't

really care.

You didn't feel like we were worth

fighting for.

We could've been everything.

But now, I'm on my way to

finding a better everything.

A better "one" for me.

You are history.

Misplaced misery,

& unforgettable.

We are infinite.

The greatest & most tragic love story.

Samantha Weldon 12:07pm

To Jared, with my heart.

9.21.11 2:46pm

There's something in my heart,

carving its way deeper & deeper

into my flesh,

twisting & gnarling--

making me beg for my life.

This something happens to be the

memory of you & I--

Something that all I can do is hope

that it will twist itself

free of my heart one day.

This knife of yours is no smooth blade,

it is serrated with all sorts of issues

that pull away pieces of my heart

as you draw it further & further

away.

Each tugging memory something specifically

precious to me--

fading like my vision as my

body continues to bleed.

First the spark of your skin's electricity,

then your body next to me,

Your lips on mine,

& the way your eyes used to

shine.

Your smile though--

it rips my heart out of my chest.

And suddenly,

I feel alive.

His eyes set my lungs back to breathing--

& my tagalong heart finds its way

back between my collar-

bones.

Suddenly,

I'm okay.

My heart still shattered inside of me,

but there's someone new beside me--

picking up the pieces, & cherishing me.

You were right.

You don't deserve me.

I will always love you,

you are the scar that brings me beauty.

Samantha Weldon

3:08pm

"The Sweetness of a Supernova"

2:36pm 9-13-2011

Something about your soft skin sends sparks

shooting swiftly through my nerve endings--

so close that the only way to get closer

is to pull handfuls of mattress & sheets upward,

around your body.

Your body--sketched by an angel;

its finished form being that of a

demi-God. (who coincidentally is with a nymph/siren, if you will).

Your eyes literally glowing as

you look up to me,

our bodies pressed together like

clay inside a mold--

every crevice finding its mate within each others skin.

Closeness like this is only found

when adrenaline & pheromones

collide with the passion that the

thought of sex brings.

When two bodies find the way they fit--

it's a God-given pleasure.

Something shared only with trust & passion--

Tongues tie endless knots around one another,

lips mesh & can't get enough of each other,

breath shortens,

hearts hasten,

& legs tighten around their partner's

whilst hands provide pleasure in

places that could make a girl blush, &

bite her own lip for a change.

Something about sex with you though

is sweet,

not to say it isn't sensual,

but there is respect present--

each of us wanting to polease the other equally.

Your face,

the way I can see your pleasure pass from

your eyes downt hrough you lips when

they find mine,

after feeling your breath on my chest

while we press to connect.

& once the connection is made,

we are in a different place.

You, me, & our hearts beating at light-speed.

We are light-years away in our own galaxy.

Nothing but the nebulas inside our irises,

& fleeting thoughts like comets whirring inside

our conscience.

Breath warm like solar winds,

as we orbit each other's lips again & again.

Our energy burns, & explodes into

a supernova,

a beautiful moment--

only a few minutes long,

but sustained forever in my

memory by the way you looked at me.

Your soft smile showing your level of elation--

Your lips resting against the curve of your

teeth.

Your eyes close,

Your breath slows,

& we have each other,

forever.

Sleep slips into our saturated minds,

sweetly singing us towards unconsciousness,

reminding us of this infinite happiness.

We have this,

forever.

Our moment,

always.

Samantha Weldon

3:24pm

"No Need to Say Goodbye"

11:09 am 9-12-2011

Thank God.

My mini-freakout is over.

I have found the ground again.

I have realized that we really are

better off as best friends.

We are so similar,

yet so different.

The biggest thing being that you

abhor your intelligence.

You're sickened by it.

By awareness, & knowing.

While I simply can't get enough.

I value knowledge in every way.
I leave my mind vulnerable &

susceptible to anything & everything--

which is probably why it hurt so

much when you didn't want a

relationship anymore.

But now that I'm accustomed to the

idea, I like it this way.

I would much rather be able to tell

people that you are my Best friend

not my boyfriend.

You still inspire me just as much,

I still think the world of you;

With everyone else, that always

changed after the break-up.

I do not resent you.

I couldn't.

I truly love you,

& I think we both just fell too fast--

Maybe one day it will happen again.

Who knows?

If it doesn't,

We'll both be okay.

You & I are going to change the world.

Together or apart.

Our two&1/2 weeks were the most romantic

and thrilling of my life.

You've shown me that the best is yet

to come.

You will always have a piece of my heart.

You are unforgettable.

We were unforgettable.
We are infinite.

Best friends is more than I could ever need.

Thank you.

Samantha Weldon 11:20am

"Don't turn away, Dry your eyes, Dry your eyes."

10:07am 9-8-11

Lost in downtown Little Rock--

that's where my mind is.

The street lights are flickering

and my heart is falling

down the hole that is caving in

from the undersides of my collarbones.

This acid-like worry is eating its way

through my flesh & bones, & forming

a rabbit hole to the bottom of my stomach.

You being the worrisome white rabbit--my heart & I being

the curiously clumsy girl who fell

in after you.

As of now I'm not completely

sure as to whether I'm flying

or plummetting as I race

past flashes of your smile--

gentle flirtations that let me know this whole "just friends"

business isn't the easiest for you either.

What's going on inside my body

is as close to that twisted wonderland

as I will ever get--

My heart forced to pretend,

& My mind relentlessly reminding me

that no-- I didn't wake up next to you today.

No--I don't get to hold your hand.

& Yes-- Those streetlamps are slowly

flickering away.

You, the light ot my life, ifs growing

darker with each worry upon your mind.

So I will live inside my own darkness

to give you your light.

I will give you the space you need to

make things right.

But simply put, I will always love you.
I want to be there for you,

To be the Best friend you need,

& if that's all I can be,

That'll be enough for me.

You have all of me.
I love you.

"Life is always hard for the Belle of the Boulevard"

Samantha Weldon 10:27am

"I think I'm scared, I think too much"

9-6-11 9:55am

I'm not crazy.

Just eccentric.

"a little unwell"

I don't believe I live in a world with other people,

that I see things the way others do.

I feel like I live alone--

at least I did.

Then you came along.

You understood me.

You took hold of my troubled mind & made me see that I wasn't alone.

That someone else inthis world could live in mine,

& now that I've had company here inside my own little world,

I don't want to be alone;

although I don't remember being particularly unhappy,

I've never been this happy.

I never want to lose it.

My own little world would crumble.

I don't mean to sound obsessive,

& I know its coming off that way.

I'm afraid.

You've shown me true love.

I'm only cared because of my past.

Being an open book to those who couldn't read me resulted in catastrophe.

Torn pages.

pieces of me they decided to keep without permission,

lines scratched out to replace the memories with something different.

White-out & thinned out patches of paper from the sand-paper pens of my past,

haunting me.

Haunting my thoughts each time

you write something new,

and/or do something similar to their old words--

except I know you mean it.

I know you're different,

& would never hurt me on purpose.

Your words go much smoother over the bad memories &

onto my blank pages as moments so dear that I never want to lose.

Just like you.

I love you.

Please understand, I know you can.

Samantha Weldon

10:25am

"On & on, we run & we run"

9-5-11 12:26am

I'm scared out of my wits.

The one person I can't stand to lose is drifting & undulating between my embrace & the real world.

One being comforting, right & passionate;

the other a frozen tundra,

Full of harsh words & realities he feels he has to face alone.

So wont' you take these arms that are aching ot hold you--

let them protect you from the sad world we live in,

shield you from sorrow,

yet still allow you to see it all in its beauty.

You don't have to figure out everything alone.

Let my hands deplete your afflictions,

imbibe your warmth &

radiate my affections throughout the crevices in your skin,

returning you to happiness once again by committing the simplest, sweetest, sin of a single touch.

My lungs act as tesla coils,

my electricity drawn nearer to yours with each breath I take,

& with every step I move away from you,

it creates buildup within my heart,

So that each time we meet,

I regenerate.

I breathe--

my inner sparks finding their way to your heart,

where they feel they belong.

Where I would love to stay forever.

Because in your heart, I know I am loved,

I am safe,

& exactly where God intended me to be.

In your eyes I find serenity,

the first date,

the first sunset,

& beaverfork lake.

A place that could never have been right with anyone else.

A risk I thought well worth taking.

An unforgettable sight.

The perfection inside an imperfect human completely visible through your enchanting emerald forest eyes.

An angel.

I'm convinced of it.

I'm sure of it.

& I will never live to see the day you convince me otherwise.

Come with me, baby.

Together we can change the world.

Hand in hand,

eye-to-eye.

Our lips meet, & I've never been more sure of anything else.

Noone else will have my heart the way you do,

because you have it all,

& I never want it back.

Samantha Weldon 12:52am